Caesar’s Palace. Las Vegas historians believe Caesar stayed here during his Gaulish campaign in 55BC.

Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.

Tuesday is the only day you’re allowed to be fat in America.

Don Draper is amused by the fact you’ve just dropped $400 at the slots.

American superheroes are shorter in person.

We all dress like this in the Year of Our Lord 2015.

So begins my belated recollections of my holiday to the US … first up, the view from my hotel window at the Paris in Las Vegas. I am impressed by the quality of the pics you can take on the iPhone.

I love ninjas.
There – I’ve said it.
I love those men and women in black from yesteryear.
I grew up in what you could arguably call the Ninja Spring, when ninjas exploded onto our screens in the 1980s. Climbing castle keeps, breathing underwater with bamboo reeds, jumping backwards up into trees – the shinobi were everywhere, delighting a Western audience already primed with the likes of Shogun, The Samurai and Kung Fu.
I was there with the rest of the schoolkids as we all followed the craze. We harvested metal in our backyards to make home-made shuriken (maybe one in 10 flew straight). We jumped off of trees and small buildings, believing if we just “bent our knees” like the ninjas did we could land safely from great heights. We frequented martial arts stores to buy small-and-medium size ninja suits, much to the bemusement of the store owners, who knew better than to ask questions. We laughed as kids brained themselves with clumsily-made nunchuks … or cried if we were the ones getting brained.
We spent enough 20-cent pieces for a 1980s house deposit playing ninja games at the arcades. We learnt the weapons of the ninja – “No, the ninja sword is the ninjato. The samurai sword is the katana” – as well as their mystical beliefs: “The ninja fears nothing except the failure of a mission.” For elite level nerd points, some of us even knew that “nunchuks” were actually “nunchaku”.
Our merry band of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles crept around schoolyards trying to sneak up on each other like our ninja hero Sho Kosugi, who was to ninja films what Bruce Lee was to martial arts movies.
For a while it seemed as if ninjas really were unkillable – at least the ninja movie genre, anyway.
Ninjas were just another reason why the ’80s were awesome. (You could chuck in the Atari 2600, Rubik’s Cubes, Walkmen, the films of John Hughes and New Romantic music into that list, too, but that’s another article.)
And then, like their shadow warrior namesakes, movies about ninjas disappeared.
Kids stopped taking ninjutsu classes or making aeronautically challenged shuriken. Fewer children required first aid for nunchuk wounds or darts to the neck spat from PVC pipes. There were fewer reports of students jumping off canteen roofs.
What followed was the age of Tolkien, of hobbits, of Marvel superheroes and special forces soldiers. Ninja retreated back in the shadows to trouble samurai lords and multiplexes no more.
Yet ninjas still have their aficionados. Hugh Jackman put them in his second Wolverine installment – and what a treat it was for all good children of the ’80s.
In fact, I love ninjas so much I’ve put them in my sequel to my ebook military thriller, The Spartan. An immovable object inspired by ancient Greek history will meet an unstoppable force from the mists of Japan.
There will be swordfighting. Shurikens. Assassinations. Ancient swords. Stealth attacks. Disguise and deception. Death.
Plus the eternal enemy of the ninja – samurai.
Mmmm …nostalgia.
Let the battle commence.
And welcome back into the light, my sweet shinobi.

My ebook military thriller, The Spartan, is out now on Amazon.

So … exciting news today that Maisie “Arya Stark” Williams has been filmed doing Assassin’s Creed-type stuff during the shooting for season six of Game Of Thrones.
Yet I think whoever wrote that headline in The Independent has stumbled across something unexpectedly magical. Because there should be more Westeros-style antics in the Assassin’s Creed series.
In fact, I would go even one further: an Assassin’s Creed: Westeros edition would be fantastic.
All the elements are already in place for an amazing AC-style video game. Spectacular, rich, well-fleshed-out characters – check. A fascinating, intricate, ancient world full of magic, legends and wonders to explore – check. The potential for epic quests, large-scale battles, drama, pathos and heroism – check.
And dragons. Lots of dragons.
Because dragons make everything better.
Obviously, the first choice would be for gamers to play as the series’s “assassin”, Arya. We can follow her progress – her skilling and levelling up, as it were – as a young child in Winterfell. Arya progresses in lethality as she trains under her dancing master Syrio Forel, learning new techniques and weapons and mastering her sword Needle.
In the meantime, there is huge scope for side quests, leaping off the top of roofs and climbing the buildings of King’s Landing much in the same way that Ezio scaled and explored 15th-century Venice. (Such was the superb detail of Venice in Assassin’s Creed II I feel like I have already toured the city.)
Arya’s dealings with The Hound and Jaqen H’ghar further push along the plot and her skills and weapons. The Hound can teach her to use heavy weapons or ride a horse (level up!), while H’ghar, the grand master of the game, can instruct her in the highest-level assassin skills, including being able to transform her appearance and take on another’s face (stealth mode?).
The size of Westeros would allow AC: Westeros edition to become a giant sandbox game much in the manner of Grand Theft Auto or Metal Gear Solid. Arya could travel the land, having adventures and taking on the odd assassination, running, tracking or spying side mission.
Perhaps, when she reaches higher levels and has learnt everything H’ghar has to teach her, she could recruit killers for her own guild in the same way as the Assassin’s Creed games.
And, of course, there would be the main quest, the assassination of everyone on her list: Joffrey, Cersei, Ilyn Payne, Meryn Trant, The Hound, Walder Frey and more. Once they’re all dead the main quest is over, but one would still be free to complete other side quests in the manner of Grand Theft Auto and Skyrim.
There could also be downloads/mods where you could play the game as Ned Stark, Sansa, the Khaleesi, Jon Snow (he’s still alive, you know) or perhaps even Tyrion.
And for lovers of big battle simulations like Total War, imagine fighting the Battle of the Blackwater or taking on giants and wildlings in the Battle of Castle Black.
Awesome.
Sure, it’s a dream at this stage … but what a dream.
And imagine what a huge crossover audience there must be between gamers and Game Of Thrones devotees: huge, I reckon.
So game developers, please take heed of the secret desires of gamers everywhere and commission an Assassin’s Creed: Westeros edition.
Because we all know it would be epic.

My ebook military thriller, The Spartan, is out now on Amazon.

I love how you can rip out a man’s spine and show it to him.
I love how shouting “finish him” is applicable to real-life situations.
I love how it spells “Kombat” with a “K”.
I love how kicks to the stomach finish off just about every opponent.
I love it when you hear the words “flawless victory” (again, words applicable in real life).
I love how Thunder God Raiden is laissez-faire with the fate of humanity.
I love how Johnny Cage is actually an actor with $500 sunglasses.
I love all the fatality finishing moves.
I love how Sub Zero can freeze a dude and then smash him into tiny pieces.
I love the graphics and the fast-paced fights.
I love the gritty feel … far more epic than Street Fighter.
I love how it broke the fighting videogame mould in the arcades with its over-the-top violence.
I love anything with ninjas.
I love the sly humour (come on … ripping out an opponent’s heart is such a martial arts cliché it’s kind of funny).
I love how the first movie is perhaps the best videogame-to-movie adaptation ever.
I love the movie soundtrack.
I love how both Cameron Diaz and Brandon Lee almost appeared in the movie.
I love how the plot of the game makes little sense … but you don’t care.
I love how critics thought its bloody violence was once again another sign of the moral decay of the West.
I love when random dudes scream “Mortal Kombat” in popular culture and everyone gets it.
I love its ports to gaming console and PC … and the evolution of the series.
And I love how we’re still talking about it 20 years later.

My ebook military thriller, The Spartan, is out now on Amazon.