Why none of us are good enough to be invited to the royal wedding

I feel like Megan Markle’s dad today.
He is apparently not going to be walking his daughter down the aisle.
Hearing the news, I had an epiphany.
In a way, aren’t we all like Markle’s allegedly “embarrassing” dad?
We, the non-rich, the non-royals, the non-Hollywood stars, are as unwelcome in St George’s Chapel on the grounds of Windsor Castle as Markle’s dad.
Sure, we’re invited to speculate who has designed Megan’s wedding dress.
We’re invited to watch the royal wedding itself, followed by hours of royal analysis from “palace insiders”.
We’re invited to buy When Harry Met Megan mugs, Prince Harry And Megan Markle Throw Pillows, Cupcake Toppers and even life-size cut-outs.
We’re invited to observe how dashing Prince Harry is and how dignified the Queen is and how it’s all like some modern fairytale.
Maybe some of us will compare Markle’s bum to Kate Middleton’s posterior, apparently the epitome of royal bums.
But one thing we’re not invited to do is to actually be there in person.
In reality, we’re not much better than those peasants you see in Olde Worlde movies lining the streets as the royal carriage passes, throwing flowers and shouting “God save the queen”. Only we get to do it in front of our TVs.
The rest of us poor non-royals know the score when it comes to weddings.
It’s an obligation and a duty – things the royals always go on about – to invite the all embarrassing wings of the family to our weddings.
We’re obliged to invite the family lush, the cousin with the dubious past, the aunt with the weird dye job, the pervy best man who will hit on the bridesmaids.
We take the risk of the whole event turning into a shambles because … well, that’s what you do with family.
The idea of a sanitised, censored royal wedding where even the father of the bride isn’t welcome strikes me as wrong.
Maybe because I can also see the royal cordon being closed on the rest of us.

My new thriller Game Of Killers: The Spartan is out now as an ebook and paperback.

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