How to bake a redundancy cake

First, decide whether it is a voluntary or involuntary cake: for involuntary redundancy you need more sugar to disguise the bile.
Mix together flour and eggs in a large bowl. Add chocolate or vanilla essence according to the style and taste of cake required.
Add two cups of sugared words to hide the taste of the mandatory cup of HR bullshit.
Stir and then bake in the oven for however long the redundancy round is open.
Serve cold, like revenge – or when management has the numbers.
Add lots of garnish (i.e. cash) to make it go down sweeter.(In the case of mandatory redundancy, add gin.)
Serve in one cake or lump sum payment to the bank to be consumed as necessary.
And don’t forget to save the recipe … because you’ll be going back to it every two years.

From my unpublished book, The Last Newspaper On Earth.

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