The secret language of journalists

A whinge – the collective noun for a group of journalists is “a whinge”.
Widows – a line at the end of a paragraph that contains a single word. In a nod to the sexism of yesteryear, widows are considered unsightly, rather than being regarded as independent beings with thoughts and feelings of their own.
Orphans – according to the Oxford English Dictionary, an orphan is “a word or line undesirably separated by a page break from the paragraph to which it belongs”. See also, the possibly apocryphal “DOCS children”.
Hack – journalist. Also, hackette.
Yarn – story.
Quality yarn – something that might end up on page 1. See also, “a cracker of a yarn”.
Dog’s dicks – exclamation marks. Used by older hacks and hackettes.
Stalin’s Blue Pencil – Stalin is described by some as the most influential – and terrifying – editor to have ever lived, editing official documents with his trusty and feared blue pencil. A modern-day reference to “Stalin’s Blue Pencil” can refer to a savage editing job, rather than an annotation that resulted in thousands of unfortunates being sent to the gulags.
Kern – to reduce the spacing between letters so as to fit more copy in. Also, see the punnish headline “this lady’s not for kerning”.
Snapper – photographer. Regarded by some snappers as derogatory: they would prefer to be known as “visual storytellers”.
Dinkus – one of the many amusing double entendres journalists make in the name of graphic design.
Wowsers – the arch enemies of Australia’s “P-mags”, wowsers were the type of killjoy conservatives and self-appointed moral guardians who had dwarf throwing banned. The word has sadly fallen into misuse, presumably because the wowsers also got it banned just like dwarf throwing.
Style guide – official guide to spelling and grammar for any august organ. Although it’s funny how many get “nunchuks” wrong (it’s actually nunchaku).
Subs – sub-editors. Not to be confused with the Collins Class vessels that protect our shores, nor the American “hoagie”.
Ramming speed – the speed to which subs must row to clear the 50-odd stories in the sub-editors’ desk one hour before deadline.
Oxford comma – according to legend, the knowledge of how the Oxford comma works is handed down in secret ceremonies not unlike the darkest of Masonic rites.
J Grade – one’s journalistic grade from one to 10. Much like top-level initiates of certain religions, J-10s are believed to possess magical powers such as walking on water and having their stories go to print without a single word being changed.
Pinch test – the ad hoc measuring of a publication by its size. A section that has dramatically dropped in page numbers may be regarded as having failed the “pinch test”.
Redundo – shorthand for redundancy.
Redundancy cake – the cake given to those who take “redundo”. The type of cake is usually left up to the recipient and may very well reflect their mood upon leaving: beware the hack that requests rum cake.
Apres moi, le deluge – a last remark made by the wittier redundo recipients as they leave the building.
Poodle walker – a hack in the “softer” areas of journalism such as entertainment or the arts rather than “hard news”.
Anglo-Saxon Wrist – slang for “repetitive stress injury”.
Spiked – once upon a time rejected stories were literally impaled on a metal spike. Nowadays such spiking occurs electronically, although the stabbing pain felt by said journalist is just the same.

My ebook military thriller, The Spartan, is out now on Amazon.

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