Top 11 tips for surviving the zombie apocalypse

* Get a weapon – stay off the zombie lunch menu with a trusty boomstick or handy melee weapon. Just about anything can become a weapon: a tyre iron, a baseball bat, the collected (thrown) works of One Direction.
* Form a multicultural team with a wide skill set – not everyone on your team should be a killing machine … or a troubled former lawman with a Magnum and a Messiah complex. You’ll also need a cook, a medic, a mechanic, a redneck of ambiguous sexuality, a plucky youngster for comic relief, and at least one unpopular hysteric you can sacrifice when the cast of Thriller turns up at camp.
* Find a HQ that’s not about to be overrun by zombies – but rethink the choice of the mall: they’re a magnet for shuffling, mindless creatures in torn clothes aimlessly wandering around.
* Check your companions constantly for bite marks – much like trying to disguise a bad hickey after the school prom, your fellow survivors will often attempt to conceal their zombie cooties (see also: Ser Jorah Mormont on Game of Thrones). Catch them before they “turn” and make you deader than disco.
* Be prepared to shift alliances – your new zombiefied environment is like the ultimate game of Survivor, only with less TV cameras and Jeff Probsts. Keep yourself from being “voted of the island” by being sneaky and keeping your options open.
*  Realise that one day your best friend might become a zombie – see also: “For God’s sake, I don’t want to become one of them. Do it! DO IT!”
* Learn how to run – you don’t have to be Usain Bolt: just quicker than the person next to you.
* Beware of charismatic, cult-like leaders – it never works out well. See also: politicians.
* Never go anywhere alone – whether it’s an “abandoned” farm houses, a death-trap crawl space or that shadowy nook that new, suspicious hanger-on is just dying for you to check out. See also: any horror movie featuring oversexed teens.
* Realise that Twitter and Facebook will probably be down – :.(
* Try to have fun out there  – otherwise, what’s the point, right?

My ebook military thriller, The Spartan, is out now on Amazon.

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